Monday, 13 August 2007

for a couple of days now...
the same things kept revolving arnd my head.

hahaha.
and i found out, i've become incapable of studying..
incapable of concentrating.. neither on maths/sci nor humanities.
other than my literature.

so i read.
and every night i read. and i cant stop reading.
over and over again.
seeking the meaning of the story.
the life behind it.


theme of love.
theme of life.
theme of death.
theme of innocence.

how about theme of deceive?
nono.more like,
theme of fate.

wait. how can i forget?
theme of predictability.
theme of unpredictability.
and tht makes more sense.
cos im definitely more familiar w tht.

what a load of craps.

tell me how strong one is able to get..
for his children.
when after 19yrs of givin in & givin all he has
for a family,
the woman he has loved all along,
has repaid his love with scandals&cheaps.
thoroughly destroyin everything he has lived for.

fark.

what kinda of a morbid state can a woman be,
to be hanging out late all night long..
at who knows where.
getting home at who knows what time.

perpertual one-sided love?
oh oh oh.
oh wake up please.

biliousness.
i feel like vomiting. nauseous.
sicked&tired&terrified&confounded.
& very very mystified by all thts happening.

how can one's idiosyncrasy be THT bad/negative.
to stoop soooooooo low.
to act this way.
to be so horrible unthoughtful.
to be so incorrigible.

to be so.. inhuman.

how is tht possible ?

no. it cant be.
HE.
has loved you for 19 hardcore years.
yes. the first few yrs were bad.
but hey,
he has given you everything..
cash. car. house.
& most importantly, his utmost love.

no.
he doesn speak much.
he's a quiet man.
really witty though.
really smart.
brilliant mind, the way it works.
very diligent.
with a simple goal.
and a simple motivation to strive in life.

he has let you have your indulgence
in every single possible way.
and not mutter a word.
no anguish.
no grumbles.
no jealousy.

jus plain .pain. hurt. weariness. disappointment.
time and time again.

how much does it take a man,
to come down so low.
to ask you to stay over&over again..
in a timespan of 19yrs,
pamper you w gifts and jewelleries.
more trust and more love.
and even more love love love love.
yet still have his goddamn love refuted.
thrown right back into his face.
tearing him down.

NO.
but he doesn show it.

and what did he do after tht ?
he gave you 10 damn words.

" i.. wish you the best. from the bottom of my heart. "

so right till the last point,
he's still thinkin of you. caring so much about you.

and what did you do tonite?
you drove off.
in your posh white car .
he paid for.
from the house tht kept you sheltered.
he paid for.
from the kids you've gave life to.
he provided for them.
from the nest that's sppse to be warm..
yet its torn, falling, and breaking apart.
he's keeping them together.

and so are we.

i hope you understand.
cos we dont.
we're tryin to come to terms w things though.
and we will.
so dont you worry.

and daddy, be strong.
for you, i'll be strong too.
we all will. you'll see.

labels: an unspoken letter, i opened by chance. and for once, looked into the heart..
of a man i've known for life. but has never really understood before.
and for once, my heart broke. for this man, i know i'll love. eternally.

Tell Her.